The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
