Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
