Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
