Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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