she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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