I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
