She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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