Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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