he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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