My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
