I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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