I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
