i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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