it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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