Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
