The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize