Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
