Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
