ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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