i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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