and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
