I will die if light touches me.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize