Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
