he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
