I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
