Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she looked like the before picture.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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