You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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