i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
