I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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