Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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