coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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