No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
