Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
