Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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