your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
