bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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