I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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