I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
