I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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