Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize