i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize