too bad you live with your parents still
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
