If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
