Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize