and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
