the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize