hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
