this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
