Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
