I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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