Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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