Don't make out with my wife yet
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
