He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
