Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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