i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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