I wish I could punch you in the face.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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