Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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