I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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