I swear she didn't look like that last week.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize