woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
