I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
