you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
