dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
