hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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