If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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