can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
