the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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