omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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