im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
