I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize