My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think my moral compass just broke
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
